What we have in common

Christina Hunter

English 102

May 3, 2014

What we have in common

Thesis: What we all have in common, is that we all want to be loved, and heard.

Sometimes, we can make assumptions based off a person’s image. Assumptions can be based off a person’s walk, the way they talk, or dress. This automatically triggers a thought in our mind of how others are different from us, but in reality, it’s the exact opposite. Sometimes, we can get distracted by the outward appearance, which blinds us from the fact that we are all really connected in spirit, and are longing for the same things. In the book, Tattoos on the heart, the protagonist, Father G is able to see past the walls that people put up on a regular basis. Father G demonstrates a perfect example of how we should remember to love, and consider how others want to be loved, regardless of their image. Showing someone an act of love can really make an impact on a person. In the book, Father G takes  Cesar, a “homeboy” fresh out of prison, to go purchase some new clothes. When Father G pulls up in his car to pick him up, he describes how Cesar is, “newly “swole” from lifting weights. He exudes menace. So there he is, standing and waiting for me. When he sees it’s me, this huge ex-con does this bouncing up and down, yippy-skippy, happy-to-see ya hand-clapping gleeful jig. He flies into my car and throws his arms around me. “When I saw you right now, G, I got all happy!(29).” Father G describes how Cesar’s appearance can probably intimidate anyone, but an act of love being shown to him was what he needed to start fresh. 

Everyone longs for love. Any type of love will do, whether it be caring, or romantic. But it’s something we all long for, whether we realize it or not. We wish, and deserve to love, and be loved. Father G writes about a time when he had a phone conversation with Cesar. Cesar had confessed that Father G had been like a father to him his whole life. He then turns around and asks him if he had every considered him a son. Father G says yes, and it’s then that  Cesar experiences unconditional love. “In this early morning call Cesar did not discover that he has a father. He discovered that he is a son worth having. The voice broke through the clouds of his terror and the crippling mess of his own history, and he felt himself beloved(31.)” It was in that moment that Cesar had called up Father G, to confirm that the father son love he longed for was real, and was overwhelmed with gladness. 

Life would be tough if you never showed any act of love towards a person, or if you had lived your whole life, and no one had ever showed an act of love towards you. What kind of life is it with without love? I feel like that type of life would be really lonely. Psychiatrist James Gillian writes that, “The self cannot survive without love, and the self, starved of love, dies. The absence of self-love is shame, just as cold is the absence of warmth(46.)” Father G talks about an incident with a boy named Danny, who he had caught lighting off fireworks, when he wasn’t supposed to be. He talks about how Danny was feeling shameful for what he had done, and had asked if he had anything to eat, when Danny said no. “Why don’t you go across the street to Jim’s and get something to eat(46.)” No one had given Danny anything to eat that day, and he was feeling shame for what he had done. The absence of love is shame. 

Everyone wants to feel loved, and heard. There’s something special about when a person calls our name. It makes us feel sort of singled out, but in a good way. Hearing a person call your name makes you feel like you’ve been heard, and you matter. Father G calls out to a homeboy on the street, and addresses him by name, “Hey Lula.” “You would have thought i had electrocuted him. His whole body spasms with delight to be known, to be called, to hear his name uttered out loud. For his entire trip through the crosswalk, Lula kept turning back and looking at me, smiling(47.)” Addressing someone by name is a small, but strong act of love. It can make you feel a certain way.